Colloquium (revised and edited)

Colloquium
(revised and edited)

"It truly is a lovely night, princess."

"Mmm. Indeed, it is. Then again, my sister has always been quite the artist."

"I don't know how she did it. Billions of stars, the entire sky--and she filled its entire expanse. If I'm not mistaken, then I'd say we're right under Monoceros, Canis Minor... And, ooh! There's Gemini right there!"

"Still as adamant about the cosmos as ever, are we, Twilight?"

"Of course. You remember when I was a filly; all the mornings you found me passed out underneath the castle's main telescope, using my sketchbook of poorly-drawn constellations as a pillow."

"Or all of the nights I caught you in the process of attempting to sneak into the observatory. At the time, your constant habit of staying up until the crack of dawn became somewhat infamous within the guards. And, if truth be told, I may or may not have allowed you get away with it once or twice."

"How scandalous, princess!"

"Haha. All for the greater good, in the end. I like to think that ponies who share your vast appreciation for the night was what my sister truly wanted."

"It's hard to think that something so observed and studied used to be so feared. It seems almost silly, to be honest."

"Times were much different back then. My subjects thought of the sun as their only source of life; it provided warmth, the crops would flourish. They even went as far as to consider it their creator, equating it with strength and prosperity."

"And the moon? What did they equate that to? I feel like I know the answer, but hearing it from you is... fascinating, since you were there and all."

"They considered the moon an enemy, of sorts. Superstition and the paranormal were, unfortunately, rather popular concepts which caused them to project their fear towards what summoned darkness. Naturally, they branded the moon as a root of evil and it ended up symbolizing the unknown. But when one is as aged as I am, a little habit forms that forces an endless amount of inquiry about the world; something I know you happen to be familiar with, my student."

"Heh. What can I say? I learned from the best."

"You flatter me."

"What about these 'endless inquiries?' What exactly were they?"

"I would tell you, but I'm afraid you may think me a bit of a nut."

"What? No, never! Remember who you're talking to, princess; I'm the one who put an entire town in jeopardy just because I was going to be tardy. Plus, you've done so much for me, I honestly don't think anything could tarnish your image in my eyes."

"More flattery? Oh, my. You must truly be desperate to hear this."

"You know how I feel about unusual and obscure knowledge. Let's just say I'm more than a bit curious."

"Curiosity; both a blessing and a curse, is it not?"

"Of course. Curiosity is good for the most part, but-- Wait a minute. Ha, now you're just trying to change the subject, princess."

"And I almost succeeded, too. Perhaps I should have known better; once a thought enters your brain, it never seems to leave until it's satisfied, does it?"

"Heh, guess not. If you don't want to tell me, I understand completely. I didn't mean to pry or anyth-"

"You misconstrue me, my student. Your insatiability and thirst are things I have always admired about you."

"Huh, wha-. You admire me?"

"I'm not the only one who's been doing the teaching all these years, Twilight."

"But I'm just-... And you're a... I mean, what could I have possibly taught you?"

"Far more than you can imagine."

"Uhh, pardon me, but I don't quite follow."

"In fact, I would even venture as to say I'm somewhat indebted to you and all that you've done for me."

"...What."

"That seemed to take your mind off the previous subject, did it not?"

"Oh, wow. You're good, princess."

"Well, I suppose you could say have centuries of experience. Now, tell me, how badly do you want to know?"

"About your 'endless inquiries?'"

"Yes, those very ones."

"Now that you bring it up again, I'm, uh, pretty intrigued."

"Oh, intrigued? Is that all?"

"All right, all right. You caught me. I'm kind of dying to know."

"Perhaps I'll let you in on the gist of it. Would that suffice?"

"I'm just glad you're telling me anything."

"Very well, then. What if I told you that the sun was the evil one, and not the moon?"

"... Okay, now you have to tell me."

"I've never told a soul. Not even Luna; although, I think the prospect would greatly amuse her, don't you think?"

"I think she and I would be tied on the amusement-meter right about now."

"Would it bother you if I continued to keep it to myself?"

"Yes!--I mean, maybe a little. Uhm, what ever would be better for you, of course."

"Then again, who can I trust, if not my faithful student?"

"Ha. Now who's using flattery?"

"Fair enough. I'll tell you, but on one condition."

"Anything."

"This does not leave either of us. If anypony found out, I'm certain it would be skewed out of proportion and the consequences would be fairly... unpleasant. It's a considerably unconventional point of view, after all. I'm sure it would be met with a bit of resistance from minds not quite as open as yours."

"I wouldn't dream of it, princess."

"Thank you, Twilight."

"I'm all ears."

"As I said, darkness is associated with the unknown. Fear. Mystery. We feel vulnerable when the night renders us blind, open to anything that may lurk in the shadows. It is that specific type of vulnerability that is perceived as a threat; the thought that something may be right behind you, but you would be so cripplingly unaware because it manipulates the role of darkness and uses it as a cloak. No doubt, quite the frightening scenario."

"Uhm, just a little."

"Then, the sun would rise and shroud the land in its light. Comfort. Safety. Familiarity. But, most of all, awareness."

"I think I know where you're headed with this... The weakness and vulnerability disappear and, somehow, confidence and strength returns with the sun. Most threats would vanish, allowing them to prosper during the day. Obviously, the light would be praised and the darkness would be condemned. Sounds to me like the more primitive ponies of the past were on a power-trip and disparaged the night just because they thought it was stronger than them."

"Precisely. I'm more than glad to see you haven't lost your touch."

"Old habits die hard. Please, please, continue."

"Ahh, yes. As I was saying, little did they know, the sun was far more malicious than the moon. Light is aggressive; it can burn down entire kingdoms, it can scorch the eyes, it seers through flesh. The sun consumes almost everything it touches, leaving nothing in its wake."

"I've never heard it put like that..."

"The moon is passive. Darkness is the neutral state of the world and it merely exists without trying to. Gentle. Harmless, even. It does not wish to control or dominate; it just is. When you look at something against the night sky, it seems pure, almost flawless; but turn the light on and all of the ugly bubbles to the surface. It makes things appear dirty, every fault brought to attention. What is done by the moon is so free and careless but, by the morning, regret trickles in."

"I'm speechless, princess."

"All of these claims that darkness and the night are a means for fear and malevolence, but the true evil is right before their eyes. Tell me, Twilight, where does the genesis of life begin?"

"Is this a trick question?"

"No, no, not at all. Where does a potential new life start to take shape and form?"

"In the womb?..."

"Exactly. And tell me what the womb consists of?"

"Well, it's supposed to be placid, comforting, and... dark?"

"Very good."

"So, darkness is almost like motherhood and fertility... Which should be associated with comfort!"

"You never disappoint me. But, as you can imagine, this epiphany has caused me more guilt than I thought was ever possible."

"Don't you think you're being a just little too hard on yourself, princess?"

"How so?"

"The sun and its light are still a primary source of life and it provides the means for countless necessities. Plus, light and darkness can't survive without each other; it's a perfect balance. They may conflict, but they need each other."

"Oh, of course. This whole thing is perhaps a bit far-fetched and uncharacteristically cynical of me but, regardless, I place the blame on myself."

"You really shouldn't. You haven't done anything wrong."

"I've done many things wrong, Twilight."

"... Like what?"

"I was afraid you were going to ask that. And, again, I should have known better. Ha."

"I am so sorry I keep on doing th-"

"Relax, my student. Please. No harm done. I assure you, nothing is off-limits here. You may ask anything."

"Really? Anything?"

"Certainly."

"No matter how personal?"

"No matter how personal."

"Well, it's something that's kind of been... bothering me. For a while now. Since it happened, actually."

"By all means, let me know."

"And I don't want to offend you in any way..."

"I'm sure no offense will be taken. Please, ask away."

"Princess, out of all the years I've spent with you and how much we've been through together and everything we've, uhm... shared, with each other and everything. I just wanna know... Why didn't you ever tell me about Nightmare Moon?"

"Twilight, I-"

"What about the fact that you actually did have a sister and it really wasn't just some fake, fabricated myth in a children's book? I mean, I don't know about you, but that's some pretty important stuff to just let get swept under the rug."

"Listen, I can-"

"And it sort of hurt, princess; actually, it really hurt. I even told you beforehand, 'Dear Princess Celestia, there's an evil prophecy about to be fulfilled! Signed, your crazy, neurotic student!' And then you lied to me about it..."

"... I did no such thing, Twilight Sparkle."

"Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. I didn't mean to explode like th-"

"Not once have I lied to you. Not once."

"No, no, no, no, no. I'm so sorr-"

"I am not angry. But there are a few things I feel I must now explain to you, so listen closely."

"O-okay..."

"I did not tell you about my sister and Nightmare Moon for a number of reasons, some of which go beyond the realm of selfishness. First and foremost, because I've told absolutely no one. Not a soul has ever heard the story directly from my lips, even after one-thousand years. Are you able to grasp the immensity of that span of time?"

"No, n-not at all..."

"I had no notion of what I had done when I used the Elements; they rendered Discord to stone, so in my desperation I foolishly made the false judgment that Luna would endure the same fate. That would have been fine, that could have been fixed and undone. But I unknowingly banished my own sister."

"I can't even imagine..."

"I forced myself to not speak a word of it-- I couldn't speak a word of it. There was no answer of when Luna would be back or if that was even an option. And... Oh, you're going to despise me for this..."

"Huh? For what?"

"Twilight, I... I demanded all the accounts and histories of that night to be destroyed. Erased. Gone."

"What?! Why?!"

"If or when Luna returned, so many repercussions would have fallen upon her. The reputation she held was unpopular enough, but can you imagine what would be in store if the truth of this event become common knowledge taught to thousands in history classes? Had I not acted, I may not be able to have her here with me again."

"So, like most things, it eventually just faded into a myth as time went on... I guess that explains the origin of Nightmare Night."

"I had nothing to do with that holiday, believe it or not. In fact, I was a bit appalled by it at first."

"I can see why... Listen, princess. I can't stress how sorry I am for, you know, what just happened. I didn't think before I opened my mouth and I didn't mean to-"

"It was something that obviously troubled you, my student. The last thing I want is you keeping your concerns or feelings bottled up. That was the precise thing Luna did, and I wouldn't recommend that coping mechanism to anyone."

"But isn't that what you were doing with the whole post-Nightmare Moon thing?"

"Ha, quite the observation. But more or less, yes, that's exactly what I was doing. It runs in the family, I suppose."

"So, no hard feelings, princess? Heh, I was getting a little worried there, that I might lose my title as 'most faithful student.'"

"There could never be hard feelings between us and there is not a force in this world that would be able to strip you of that title."

"Can I ask just one more question?"

"Of course."

"Your explanation, about the sun being the evil one; is that something you conjured up to, uhm... cope with the guilt of banishing Luna?"

"I never dared to reach those levels of introspection when it came to this. But now that you mention it, I'm afraid so, Twilight."

"You know you did the right thing... Right?"

"So I've been told by Luna."

"Because, to be technical, it wasn't Luna you were banishing; it was Nightmare Moon."

"It was... extremely hard, to differentiate the two. Inside the beast, my sister was still very much there."

"But that's all in the past. What matters now is that she's back and cleansed and not threatening the land with eternal night any time soon."

"I suppose you're right. See? I told you, you've been my teacher as well."

"Heh. Well, I've had a great teacher teaching me how to teach... If that made sense."

"And I couldn't be more proud. But, despite all the justification of me doing 'the right thing,' I carry lifetimes of guilt. In fact, the more I think about your opinion on why I thought up the Evil Sun Theory, the more true it rings."

"That whole incident wasn't your fault, though. You had no control over how your subjects were feeling, or how Luna was taking it."

"It partially was my fault, I'm afraid. I could have listened to her more, paid closer attention to her moods... Anything. I was embarrassingly naive back then, so consumed in my role as ruler and fulfilling my subjects' every wish that I forgot there happened to be another ruler at night who desired the same attention. The way they viewed her, Twilight... It was horrible."

"If you had the chance to go back, would you?"

"I always hear the phrase, 'I wouldn't change anything because then I wouldn't be who I am today.' But I couldn't disagree with that sentiment any more even if I tried."

"Woah, that's a first."

"There are times when I'm almost ashamed for the subjects of that era. Looking back, their ignorance was astounding. Perhaps I would have scheduled a large speech... Yes, they would have all gathered in the castle courtyard, awaiting what I would say and pretending not to think about all the things they would much rather be doing. The speech would most likely have been a morbid depiction about all the dangers of the sun, scaring them all half to death of ever going out during daylight again. Luna probably would have scolded me for it, but it would all have been for her sake."

"Haha! I would've clapped for you."

"The subjects assumed that the light was so great, so generous. However, riddle me this: why do we close our eyes and embrace the darkness when we sleep? When we hope? When we make love? Whe- Twilight, are you okay? That was quite the shiver you just had."

"Huh? I, uhh shiver, cold, yea-- I mean, yes, I'm okay."

"I apologize. Did that make you uncomfortable?"

"No, no, no! I'm just... not used to... that. From you.

"Ahh. I merely figured that we were both adults here, and no subject would necessarily be considered taboo."

"You're right, you're right. I'm sorry for kinda freaking out about that."

"You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who should feel sorry for unloading my baggage onto you. That was inconsiderate of me."

"No need to be sorry. I enjoyed it a lot, actually. In fact, I feel honored that you chose me to confide in."

"To be honest, Twilight, I don't have many options."

"Oh-..."

"But don't allow that to deceive you. I truly wouldn't have it any other way."

"Thank you, princess. It's rea-"

"Please, my student. You of all ponies should be the one allowed to call me Celestia."

"Erm. If you're sure."

"Of course, of course. I insist."

"Well, uhm, Celestia, I was just saying that this really means a lot to me. It's... nice, being here alone with you. Sort of feels like it used to be when I was living here; except now I'm not dropping orbs because I was too weak or accidentally making spells backfire."

"I've missed you around here, Twilight."

"I miss you too."

"I have to admit, it gets almost unbearably lonely now, even with my sister returned. But what was that rule I used to hear fillies say about friends? That family doesn't count? Ha, yes, that was it."

"Oh, I know that one. I used to get made fun of because Shining and I were so close."

"That's nothing to be ashamed of. Your brother is a remarkable stallion; he would give his life for this kingdom without a second thought."

"...Would you?"

"There are a select few things I would die for."

"Like what?"

"My country, of course. Luna. Love. You."

"Me?!"

"I did say 'love,' didn't I?"

"Uh, yes. Yes, you did say that. But me?

"You didn't think I would be without love for my star pupil, did you? Of course I love you."

"I k-knew that. Love? Uhm..."

"My, you look as if you had just seen a ghost."

"I'm okay, I'm okay. Really. Sorry, again."

"I'm afraid I have to take partial blame for your naturally heightened anxiety. Maybe if you hadn't been raised under the wing of a princess, you would be less prone to nervousness."

"Ha. But then I wouldn't have been such a punctual student."

"Ahh, this is true. To shed light on the matter, it's rather... charming."

"Prin- Celestia, are you, uhm, feeling okay?"

"I'm feeling fine. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason. Just wondering."

"Am I acting peculiar?"

"No... Okay, maybe a little. If you ever need to talk or anything, you know, I'm here for-"

"As I've already emphasized, I can't lie to you, Twilight. Truth be told, I seem to be going through quite an emotional rut, so to speak."

"Oh? Then what's the matter? Is everything all right?"

"It's a bit on the... complicated side. This time, it's crucial to keep what's ailing me locked away. I'm sorry."

"I completely understand if you can't tell m-"

"However..."

"However?"

"Call it the infamous 'vulnerability of the night,' if you will. I'll make an exception this time. I've already been unabashedly honest with you and there's no use in stopping now."

"I'll listen to whatever you have to say, and it remains between us."

"Thank you, Twilight. I've... I've been doing an almost unhealthy amount of thinking lately, about matters of the heart."

"Like, love? Romance? I never, well... I never took you for the type."

"Yes, love and perhaps romance. I've also been thinking about something much deeper, much more substantial...Something that means most everything to me."

"Which is?"

"Our connection."

"Our what now?!"

"Our connection. This entire conversation has been a demonstration of it. The mutual trust we have for each other is one that minds can hardly dream about, let alone comprehend. It runs deep, Twilight. Do you know what I'm talking about?"

"I... I think I know. I can see how we have a, uhm... c-connection."

"You've been so much more to me than a mere student, or protege, or friend. I'm lost to how it began and I'm not proud of myself, but in the short years since we've known each other, a funny thing has happened... you've somehow turned into my single constant in a perpetually changing world; my comforting darkness, if I may be so bold..."

"Celestia, what are you trying to s-"

"I meant what I said, Twilight. I do love you."

"Huh-buh-WHA? Like, love-love? As in, flowers and chocolate and dates and commitment and all that jazz?"

"I'm eternally sorry if this tears you away from me."

"I, ugh. I really... This is sudden. Yeah, s-sudden is a good word right now."

"These are feelings that have been... haunting me, I guess you could say. They've been clouding up my thoughts for quite some time."

"I, well... I guess I can see that and- Oh, gosh. I'm at a loss. This is... a lot to, erm, take in."

"Putting this upon you was the last thing I ever intended. It seemed very right, at the moment..."

"Heh, guess it's that vulnerability of the night, right?"

"Yes, that would be it."

"I... ugh, this is extremely hard to say... I've never done this before."

"I understand completely. I'll arrange a chariot so you can return to Ponyv-"

"But since you've been 'unabashedly' honest, it's only fair that I return the, uh, favor..."

"Yes?..."

"I've, uh, always felt extremely w-weird and, to be frank, wrong about what I felt regarding, well, this... a-and you."

"Go on."

"... gimme a minute."

"Of course, of course."

"I... I..."

"Take a deep breath... There you go, that's it. Now, go ahead..."

" I l-love you too, Celestia."

"Let's go back inside, Twilight."